Years ago I'd been relaxing alongside my brother and some of his friends from high school, at our parent's home where they began their retirement in Michigan a few years ago.

Around October - December, I'd guess - we'd been outside for a fire because they're back in the woods, and seems like there hadn't been snow yet that year because someone began speaking of the lake, down the hill and through the swamp, where we had spent a few years building a boardwalk to gain access to the small pond called Quiggle Lake.

Quiggle, oddly, is an old name of some ancestors on my mom's side. Unsure how we peeled off from that group, or how my parents found the old Quiggle farm to retire on. They bought the place from the German architect who had designed the home, after his messy divorce. Sounds like he left behind the magnificent lodge that he had designed from the bare scraps of his dreams, where he had plans to raise his grandchildren, and he shuffled off to a small apartment building for his old age instead.

Plans are easier to make than to keep.

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Someone began speaking of the lake, and from the chill of the air we were beginning to plan a polar plunge, where we go leap into the deep dense abyss, sense the pain and panic of the scenario, and scramble back up the ladder and the boardwalk and the hill to have a second plunge in the hot tub, near the fire.

I'd been eager, and one of my bro's pals also, so we braced up and headed there.

On the end of the dock we felt the cold air coursing by, and decided to hold hands as we ran and leap'd from the floating boards.

In the air, I held his hand and he began pulling away. For a moment his recoil pulled us closer together, I guess - and then the cold rushed in.

Cold can make you numb, though you need to embrace it for long enough if that's going to happen. Usually, cold makes you panic - there's no pain, in a physical-harm sense, though an unconditioned brain usually sees panic and pain through the same lens. You become shocked.

For us, the shock is soon rewarded by a dip and a soak in the hot tub up the hill. I've seen that pal once since, at my brother's marriage ceremony in San Gregorio California, a rare gathering we all arranged during the lonely pandemic years.

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Cold can make you numb, though you need to embrace it for long enough if that's going to happen.

The sensation begins as shock, and I shared the shock I had from a polar plunge in a Michigan lake.

I'd like to share in the shock all of us are sensing this season, learning of the cold scene surrounding us, and in the early moments of recognizing the harms we can slip into.

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Sorry, hours passed. There had been something to take care of.

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I'd like to share some of my procedures for exploring records, because the more people seeing the depths, the more there is to discuss.

There's a shock from the exposure, and a panic begins to place a grip and a horrible hold; so keep company you can rely on and reach for a caring hand.

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I used to have a scheme for easing my discomfort around people; my body dysmorphia has been really serious in years prior, and in my adolescence I was anxious around the idea of sex.

My biological parents were raised in Michigan, so I'm rather sure they have no idea sex is possible.

I was raised on the East coast near Philadelphia, so friends around school would discuss casual hookups that would make me blush, in my grandmother's place.

Being so aroused, and unable to find the language for my predicament, I learned that you can ease the quickening qualms of pubescence by focusing your mind on challenges, such as math puzzles.

Here are some examples of things that may help quiet an ol' bone.

1984 - 13 = 1971

2025 - 79 = 1946

1984 - 1946 = 38

13 + 13 + 13 = 39

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Can you do simple maths in your head, especially during occasions where you are becoming aroused?

How do your physiological conditions make it challenging or easy to go numb, so as to focus on numbers such as dates and years?

Do your mental conditions keep you from seeing, or thinking, or empathizing clearly, especially when you are called upon to relate intimately and compassionately?

Maybe I'm thinking too much like my dad, who had a career in finance and did a bunch to emphasize math problems.

He is usually clueless, though occasionally he sees when the scene fails to add up. He likes to say, if you find yourself in a hole - stop digging.

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Quiggle Lake is deep, and the bottom surface is murky and silty, so the rumor passed around is that indigenous people said the lake had no bottom to it.

Seems too deep for something its size, and maybe someday there could be a chance to use submersible cameras or scanners around there.

Being from Michigan, I feel like water is a calling as much as a surrounding. Sure feels ethereal when you drop something meaningful, and realize some things are impossible to undo; some burdens and losses that mark a mind by their absence, more than they had a chance to, by their presence.

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As I said in the page I prepared mid-day...

Please email public@operand.online if you'd like to discuss, or ask for help, or lend help, in examining this record collection.

The immediate concern when you are flooded in shock, is how to reduce your panic by pursuing a clear course of action.

Occasionally, this becomes your chance to explore how capable you really are. Perhaps you had failed to prepare the clothes to dry off properly, so you need to see how quickly you can run to a cozy perch in the House.

Perhaps you also realize you need to increase your circulation, and blood pressure and glucose levels, because the shock has knock-on effects. I like to keep fresh produce around for these emergencies, such as oranges and peaches.

They go together, although mind the bitterness and be ready for the fuzz.

These approaches are sure to bring you back to your senses; as a cold plunge is accompanied by the anguish of panic, simple remedies are crucial, regardless of how commonly used, and are your only recourse during such unusual horrors.

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Remember, hold people close; and hold your breath as you go under.